Week 11...Parenting

This week we focused on Parenting.  This is a topic that hits very close to home for me.  With five children and two of them adults I have had a lot of experience in parenting.  However, the more I study about it the more I find that I want to know and improve.  I have also found that each of my children are so different form the others that I need to very flexible in my parenting style and techniques.  What worked for my first-born didn't have as much effect on my second.  And the things that I thought I had learned with my first two are being tested with my third!

We talked about three main styles of parenting. These are: Autocratic or dictator, Permissive or doormat style and the Authoritative or active style.  The first, Autocratic, limits freedom and increases stress between the parent and child.  The second, Permissive, allows freedom without limits. With this style nobody wins. The third style, Authoritative, focuses on freedom within limits and as children mature, freedom with in expanding limits.  This third style is the one that is most productive and beneficial for a healthy relationship, especially as children move into the teen years.

Another idea that I really liked was that of defining the five goals of teen behavior.  There are five main goals that teens have to be fulfilled and content.  These are belonging, power, protection, withdrawal, and challenge. Parents can play a big part in making sure their teens are able to reach these goals and reap the benefits from that.  To foster belonging, parents can offer contact freely and teach children to contribute to the family, home and the community.  To instill a healthy feeling of power, parents need to offer choices and consequences and follow through with those consequences. Protection is important so that teens don't learn to seek revenge.  Parents need to help children to learn assertiveness and forgiveness. The fourth goal is withdrawal or the ability to step back and take a break from something and then continue on.  By teaching children to work hard then take a break or to stop and consider things and refocus when they come up against a difficult situation, teens will learn to not get overwhelmed, turning to avoidance techniques that rob them of satisfaction.  The final goal is challenge. By teaching children new skills, parents can give children healthy challenges that are appropriate and help them fulfill this need without thrill seeking or inappropriate risk taking.