Week 10...Stay at Home Mom

I read an article by Dennis Prager this week called, “Does a Full-time Homemaker Swap her Mind For a Mop,” in which he discuses the potential women have to continue to be educated once they choose to stay at home and raise children. This was interesting to me because I have been a Stay-at-Home mother for 22 years.  By being home, I feel that I have had many more opportunities to broaden my horizons than I would have if I had been employed outside the home.  By being home, I have had the ability to read much more than I ever did when I was working or going to school.  I am a member of a book club in which many of the members of my club hold master’s degrees and even a few PhD’s.  I am one of the few without at least a bachelor’s degree. ( Soon to be remedied!)  We read wonderful books, some classic literature, some self-help and others that are focused on current events and issues.  I feel that reading for and attending book club each month has been a tremendous opportunity for me to expand my knowledge and understanding of the world around me, history, and literature. If I had been working outside the home I doubt I would have had the opportunity to read as much as I have in the last 16 years.

As well, I have gained a lot of experience through opportunities I have had by volunteering at my children’s school and serving in my church callings.  I served as the Secretary/Treasurer for our Elementary school PTO for 5 years. Both of these experiences would not have been possible if I had been in the work force.  I believe that the most important work I can do is in my own home.  However, by being educated and informed, I offer my children a better mother. By being involved in activities in which I grow and serve, they get a happier mother.

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Week 9...Communication and Problem Solving

This week we talked a lot about communication and the effect it has on our relationships.  One of the ideas that I really liked was that “you can never NOT communicate”.  I feel that this is absolutely true. We communicate in many ways.  Verbal or words, as well as non-verbal and the tone we use.  Each of these adds to the overall message that we send and how it is decoded and understood.  We talked about one study that found that 14% of the message we get comes from the words that are used, 35% from the tone and that 51% of the message is portrayed through non-verbal communication. This to me was an ah-ha moment!  This helps me to understand how important my non-verbal expressions and the tone of my voice are. I can see how this has played into communication break downs in my own life and I think that if I make a concerted effort to be aware of this in the future I can make progress in some of my relationship’s communications.

Another topic that we discussed was that of problem solving and decision-making.  This is something that we all do but that we may not necessarily be aware of how we do it.  We discussed the decision-making and problem solving process that the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve use in their weekly meetings and how we can follow their example in our own decision-making efforts.  Some of the steps that they use that are important include meeting at a sacred place and time, expressing love an appreciation prior to the meeting, and starting with prayer. Next they discuss matters to the point of consensus and with the Lords will as the ultimate end goal.  I feel that these are steps that are very important for each of us in our own problem solving ventures. I really like the idea that they set aside a specific time to make these decisions.  Often in our own lives we make decisions or solve problems in the heat of the moment.  We may feel that something needs to be decided NOW, when really the only purpose of making a quick decision is to get it off our minds or have it “out of the way”. At times I have found that if I were a bit more patient and took time to come back to a problem after I had stepped away from it for a while, I may have made a different and often better decision.

Week 8...Family in Crisis

Crises will come to all families.  We all like to think it won’t or at least hope it won’t, but it is inevitable. Some families will have bigger crises than others. However, the way a family copes with crisis will determine the outcome. The way a family uses their resources and how they react to a crisis will determine how they define an event. One family can have a crisis that many would think unbearable and come out stronger and closer because of it.  However, another family could be faced with a less severe crisis and have their family come apart over it.  It all depends on how they cope.

In order to explain what it means to cope, we can use a simple tool called a coping saw.  This small saw is used to cut out details in a piece of wood that will make one piece fit into another piece seamlessly. Coping can be defined as making pre-planned adjustments so that things will fit under pressure.  When the pressure is on, or we can call it a crisis, having the proper coping tools will help our families make adjustments so that we can fit properly into the new situation.

Another interesting way to look at crisis is to look at it as a challenge that requires decisions. The Chinese word for crisis is made up of two characters, the character for Danger and the character for Opportunity.  I thought this was a marvelous way to consider a crisis, as a dangerous situation that gives opportunity!

Week 7…. Intimacy and Family Life

Our discussions this week focused on Sexual intimacy and fidelity.  Both topics are ones that I felt fairly sure of and comfortable with.  I do not feel any need to elaborate on these in my blog.  However one thing that seemed to become clearer to me this week was something that we have talked about each week since the beginning of the semester.  That is of family systems and boundaries.  We have studied and talked about this a lot but I really liked the analogy of the picket fence, especially as it relates to the boundaries of the husband and wife relationship. 

A picket fence has a very specific design. It is clean, white draws a clear line yet is still open to others.  This type of fence has a clear understanding of where to enter and exit the yard that it is around.  The actual design of a common picket fence has pointed tops on the pickets, which make it very uncomfortable to sit on.  This makes so much sense that this type of fence would be used to symbolize the boundaries of a marriage. There is no “sitting on the fence” when it comes to boundaries in a marriage. We need to be on one side or the other when it comes to knowing when to allow others in or not.  It is important to have this kind of fence around our marriage so that we can have the interaction with others, including our children and extended families but also know when to keep things between husband and wife.